Do We Need All These Microwave Buttons?
No.
How many microwave buttons do you realistically use? If you’re like me — not many, and if you’re like my microwaveless sister — zero. Microwaves are constantly pushing their button agenda on you, but, like with other forms of ‘helpful electronics,’ I got it without their help, thanks. Who knows what crazy variables those extra buttons throw in?
I never bother with the ‘weight’ or ‘cook power’ buttons either. I have a kitchen scale, I could weigh the thing, but I found I can cook almost anything in the microwave in 2 minutes or less, max power. Recently, all I push is ‘+30 seconds.’ Efficiency. Pushing ‘1’-‘0’-‘0’-‘go’ is 4 hits. Hitting ‘+30’ twice is two.
The ‘pizza’ button? Forget it. Pizza is too varied to be attached to one button. Deep dish and frozen are completely different; this isn’t a one button situation. Even the variation between Red Baron, Jacks, or Digiorno can’t be reduced to one button.
‘Popcorn’ button? Complete trash. You may as well push the ‘ruin and stink’ button. The kernels end up charred, the air fills with smoke and the panicked cry of the fire alarm, and you’re left with the stench of burned popcorn for days. That button is suicide.
‘Potato’ button has some appeal in theory, but if I’m making potatoes I’m usually baking them. I guess if you want a baked potato right now and didn’t think to start cooking one during the Triassic period it could be useful. The button may be good, but I don’t make impulse potatoes, since they take eons to cook properly. Potatoes require strategy and planning.
Here’s another microwave button I never use — 7. If my microwave item takes over 5 minutes, I’d rather use the stove. Microwave is for short times. That’s where the ‘micro’ part comes from. Equally unlikely, pushing 8 or 9. Only if the power went out and the clock is fucked up.
Clock is probably the button I use the most, aside from +30 or Go. Here’s an invention, a device that syncs the oven clock and the microwave clock. Don’tcha hate it when they read different times? I never know who to believe.
When I roll out the coldcrowave, you can be sure it won’t have this many options. “Cold" — that’s it. One button.
*Beverage? In a microwave? Does that mean boiling water? Or are they making a nice hot lemonade?