Two C° or Not Two C°
Metric vs. Imperial
Metric system. Imperial system. Both are ways of measuring the world. There’s a lot of supporters of the metric system out there, mainly everyone who doesn’t live in the US. The metric system is great. 10x, 100x, 1000x. These are numbers I can grasp easily, literally, since I am using my ten fingers to count. 12 inches into a foot, 3 feet in a yard, 1760 yards in a mile? C’mon, that’s crazy. The US should adopt the metric system for many things.
But not for everything.
In some areas the metric system falls flat, and we should use Imperial. That’s right, I’m arguing for de-metrification in a few specific circumstances.
Weather — Imperial
There’s something satisfying about the 0-100 scale. 100 is a lot, 0 is a little. It’s easy to grasp. If it’s 100, it’s hot. If its 0, it’s cold. If the temperature goes above or below those numbers, you know it’s really hot/cold.
“Wear short sleeves, it’s 28 out there.” 28° C is nothing. 80° F, that’s something, that’s like 80% of a 100. “A blistering 35°.” (95°F). Weird temperature.
This applies to indoors, too.
Frankly, I prefer having freezing at 32, because 32° F isn’t that cold. It’s tolerable to be outside in the snow with no wind. Much better than 0° F. That’s too cold, it’s 0!
Distance — Metric
Driving in kilometers is better. For one thing, you go faster — 100 is more than 60. (It’s not, but the numbers make it feel like it is). Once you’re pushing 120 kph (75 mph) it feels like you’re going really fast, even though you’re only going pretty fast.
Places don’t seem as far away, either. “100 to get to Zaragoza? That’s forever!” But really it’s less than an hour at highway speeds. Places are farther away, yet you also get there faster. It’s magic. Roads are better in metric.
This also corresponds to the 0-100 theory. In mph, we go 0-60. In kph, we go 0-100.
Cooking — Metric
“Read this recipe,” my floury wife said to me a few days ago. It was a bread recipe and called for 2 7/8 cups of flour. If you’re getting into the eighths measurements, do us a favor and use grams. I don’t have any eighths cups laying around, because it’s a stupid measurement. She ended up flattening the cup of flour with the bowed side of the knife to create a divot.
We have a cheat sheet on the fridge that says how many teaspoons are in a tablespoon, how many tablespoons are in a pint, and how many quarts are in a hogshead. If I need to reference a sheet on how to convert the units, it’s a bad system.
That’s why “Gas 5” is also stupid. 5? I can’t cook anything on a 5! How hot is 5? Why is the gap between Gas 5 and Gas 6 only 10 degrees C, while the gap between Gas 6 and Gas 7 is 20 degrees C? What sort of system is this?
And on the 0-100 rule, frozen to boiling water really can’t be beat. Metric is best for cooking.
Human body temperature — Imperial
100 is the hero number of this exercise. If my temperature is over 100, I am sick. It’s harder to notice if I go from 37 to 37.7777777. At 108F the brain cells start dying, which is better than 42.222222222. If you’re a surgeon in the hospital or a medical professional, maybe you prefer metric, but when I’m taking my temperature at home, 100 is the magic number.
Human body height — Metric
Dudes over six feet have a smugness about them and using metric will cut them down to size. 183 cm is less impressive than six feet. You need to hit the 200 mark for a numerical jump then, which is only achievable for the 6’6 1/2”ers. Now that’s fuckin’ tall.
Human body weight — Tie
Pounds and kilos are both okay, just don’t use stones.
Cosmic weather — SI
The International System of Units, or SI, uses Kelvin for its base unit of temperature. Kelvins are basically Celsius, so that’s a win for metric. For scientific purposes, metric always wins.
Hot Tub — Imperial
I could probably get used to doing this one in metric, but I find the perfect temperature for a hot tub to be 102, and I’d hate to have to start remembering a new one, especially if it was 38.888888. Hot tubs thermostats usually don’t go to the thousandths place.
💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
P.S. Sumo starts this weekend. They’re measured in kilos.